Why give feedback?

There's a lot written about giving feedback and how to give it and this week's workshop, Telling It Like It Is, will help you enormously understand the ins and outs of feedback, but to me what's really important and often not thought about enough, is why you're giving feedback in the first place.

It might feel easier to think about why you're giving Positive feedback - because everyone likes a compliment - but I'm not sure it is.

The other day I was on the set of the really fun film my son is appearing in (Papadopoulos & Sons) and the lead actor, Stephen Dillane, came over to have a chat. I'd just heard him acting a man losing his temper and had been really scared by that 'fake' outburst of anger and wanted to tell him, but, at the same time a little voice was going through my head asking me why I wanted to tell him...

Was it because I wanted to share my sensation of being scared by 'his' temper with him and how impressed I was that he could put that on so easily?
Was it because I could never act and wanted to have a conversation with him about what it's like acting?
Was it because I wanted to boost his ego for the rest of the day - or at least a second?
Was it because I felt awkward in front of someone so good at what he does and felt a compliment was the best way in?
Was it because I wanted him to like me?

Gosh, it's complicated isn't it?

Or maybe it isn't complicated.

Maybe with positive feedback, it's OK to have mixed reasons for wanting to give it, because hopefully the compliment given to the other person does make them feel better, especially if it was honest and true, but with negative feedback it's crucial you know why you're giving it.

Sometimes when my children are wearing clothes I don't think suit them, for example, why would I give them negative feedback and tell them I don't like their shirt, especially if they're just about to go out? What outcome do I want?

Because it gets it off my chest (wrong reason)
Because it might make them go and get changed into something 'nicer' (wrong reason)
Because it's important to me what they look like ('get over it, Nina')
Because I'm a controlling mum (definitely wrong reason)
Because I think others will like/respect them more if they're wearing something 'better' (wrong reason - how do I know what their friends will like)
Because I want to change them (impossible and definitely wrong reason)

Of course, I mean it well, but...

Negative feedback is a tool that has to be used carefully. It's key to find out what outcome you want before you launch into it. If it's a situation you want to change then it's essential to use it, but if you just want to change someone else... forget it.

You can't change me through feedback, but any constructive feedback you want to throw my way, I'd be delighted.

See you there,
Nina
PS This week's workshop always has wonderful feedback from those who come along. What more can I tell you?

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The Wheel of Fortune

This week's workshop is all about change - ironically the only thing we can consistently rely on - and, in particular about the Medieval Wheel of Fortune, the subject of this week's workshop.

Earlier in the week I wrote a post about the Wheel of Fortune for Brit Mums (one of the Top Ten blogs in the UK), who kindly asked me to be their guest blogger, and, although I also wanted to write a fun post for you here, promptly forgot about it and got on with all the million and one other things I had to do.

My daughter is doing King Lear for her exams, so yesterday we started our play reading, snuggled up by the fire watching the rain outside. Before long, there was our first quote about Fortune: Fortune, good-night: smile once more; turn thy wheel! 'Yes' my daughter casually told me, unaware of how excited I was that my post had just written itself. 'The whole of Lear is about Fortune's wheel'.

Let me just put things straight. Life Clubs is not a tragedy. We are not all going to end up at the bottom of the wheel, suffering. Life is not King Lear. But, as a study in change, the Medieval Wheel of Fortune is worth thinking about.

Why not come along and find it's relevance in your life.
Looking forward to seeing you there,
Nina

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How Can I Change?

It's been a bit of a rough week. Someone who has worked very closely with me for the last ten months is leaving. I always knew he would, but it has happened almost from one day to the next, and, though I'm delighted for him, I'm sad for me. I'll miss him and the role he established for himself within Life Clubs.

When he first told me I just felt sorry for myself. I wanted to curl up and lick my wounds. It means stepping up enormously and both Tommy (11-year old son) and I have been feeling ill in one way or another since we returned from France. All I felt was overwhelmed by what I have to do, taking on both of our roles (at least for the time being) just seemed an enormous task.

And yet I knew I had to change so that I could make everything I want to happen, happen.

I always find when you know something has to be different that you need outside help in some way and, thankfully, I fell on my feet. My good friend, Annie Lionnet, (Frome Life Clubs Host, best-selling author and astrologer) was staying with me when I heard the news.

Now, you may not believe in astrology, but at the risk of sounding like Nancy Reagan, let me tell you how Annie helped.

She looked at my chart and said that although she could see that although everything was changing around me, I was changing too and that, at least for the next month, I was going to be overwhelmingly energetic. What a wonderful thing to hear - and at just the right time.

That's why I love astrology. Call it the placebo effect or call it science, I don't care. Suddenly I'm buzzing. I know I can take on the world. Just being told that I'm going to be more energetic, I instantly feel better, more focused and very dynamic.

I'm jumping and the water isn't as cold as I thought it was going to be.

This week's workshop (as you probably gathered) was all about change.

Next week at Life Clubs is one of my favourite workshops - a great trick to help you boost your confidence every time you admire someone else. We call it Mirror, Mirror.

If you haven't already bought my new book, please do so. How To Get What You Want, is a terrific present for anyone about to leave school, college or university - and grab a look of it before you give it away.

Hope you have a wonderful week.
My best wishes,
Nina

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Change your mind

Yesterday I changed my screensaver (or desktop as they seem to call it on my mac). I found it quite traumatic. From easy to read files on a black background I've ended up with rather difficult to read files on a white background (but photo I took in a wonderful restaurant in London) and wondering whether to go back to the original picture.

If I found that change difficult, can you imagine how I must feel about changing my mind.

Last week's workshop was about using your mind to give you more confidence, so instead of having those 'I'm rubbish at life' thoughts going round in your head, you've got an 'I am great' thought.

And, I'd like you all to know, that I did achieve that. Changing my mind worked for me.

At a particularly low phase of life I decided I wanted to feel more confident. I settled on a very simple sentence 'I am confident. I can do anything' (no point at this stage in being modest!)

This is what I did:
* Every time I saw a mirror, I repeated my sentence looking at myself directly in the mirror and smiling.
* I did this first thing in the morning, last thing at night and whenever I saw a mirror in between.
* I said it once only, but with enormous conviction.
* At the same time I took some Confid drops (Australian Bush Flower Essences) and dropped them on my tongue twice a day.
* Expected things to change by the time I'd finished the bottle.

But it all happened very quickly - before I'd even finished the bottle.

I can't promise it will work for everyone and I certainly feel under-confident (or at least have under-confident moments) now just like anyone else, but it made an enormous difference at that particular period in my life.

So, change your mind and give it a go.

Next week's workshop is all about the things we do too much of. If you'd like to tackle your under-confidence that way, come along. Or anything else you're overdoing for that matter.

See you there and please, do buy a copy of my new book, How To Get What You Want. I think it's great (that's how confident I am!)
Nina

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Way to go!

Change was last week's Life Clubs topic and it's a huge one. We change every second of every day - whether we want to or not - and we can make changes too.

An obvious change is when you travel. These photos are of the first lovely Canadian Life Clubs Hosts in Toronto. You can see them all working hard learning what it takes to run a club. In a way being around that table in Toronto could have been being around my table in London and yet I'd changed time zone, changed temperature, changed language (up to a point) and changed families (swapping mine for Eva Marie's for the week).

At Life Clubs this week, we were talking about what can help one with change. One of my clubbers had as her Lightbulb Moment that her reaction to change was what was key. How right she was.

We can take change very badly and we can enjoy it. Often all it depends on is the frame of mind we're in when the change happens. If we're feeling good about ourselves and our lives, it can help us react positively. Conversely if everything is going wrong around us and we're feeling overwhelmed we can react negatively to yet another change. The question is how to keep your frame of mind positive so you can be open to change.

In order to enjoy Canada I spent some time on my own, showered twice a day and kept in touch with home. I also determined to stay open to my new experiences and the people I met.

What can I tell you - I loved every minute of it.

Eva-Marie, Monica, Sue, Debbie and Sonia... all I can say is 'Way to go!'

See you all for my last week of Life Clubs in 2009.
Nina
Founder Life Clubs
PS If you feel you'd like hints around change (or any of our other 50 topics), sign up to my bulletin via our website www.lifeclubs.com.

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Yes or No?

Although this stop sign represents our saying 'No' workshop (running week of 13th July) and I'd love to tell you how brilliant our workshop is so you all come, actually I said 'Yes' this week.

I said 'Yes' to going on a two-day course when I am meant to be writing my new book (The Life Book) and should not have left my sofa. So, I feel bad about that and, if truth be told, slightly oppressed and heavy in my head about not having got on with my book for two days.

But, I have come back feeling happy and refreshed from a course all about change and inspiration and clarity. The course was arranged by Talent Innovations and was very good, but what was especially good was meeting fellow participants who were all open and friendly and learning. I feel I've returned with renewed energy and a bulging address book.

So I said 'No' to my publisher and all those thoughts that went 'You won't finish the book if you take two days off' and enjoyed myself. Who or what do you have to say 'No' to to come to Life Clubs?

Let me know (pardon the pun).

See you soon,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs

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The Cycle of Life

I know, it's not quite Elton John, but this week's Life Clubs workshop is all about change. Not just change in the jungle, but also change in the city.

In both, there is the expected and controlled change 'I'm going to the waterhole, rather than hanging out here' or 'I'm giving up smoking', and also the unexpected change 'I'm being chased by a wild buffalo' or 'I just lost my job'.

Change affects us. Like the bicycle wheel we keep going, but it's only if we're 'centered' enough to be in the middle of that wheel that the impact is minimalised.

This week at Life Clubs we're going to be thinking about how many different parts of our life are changing (either in our control or out of it) right now and how we could get to that centred place in order to be least affected.

See you there,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs
www.lifeclubs.co.uk

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