What cements friendships?

This week at Life Clubs we've got a fascinating workshop on what kind of friends you want and what makes you a good friend. It's called Uppers and Downers.

I was dipping into Richard Wiseman's excellent book, 59 Seconds, last week, where he said (forgive my paraphrasing) that often the instant glue between people is what you both dislike, so I've been thinking about that.

I've gone through a long list of people I know to see who else dislikes squid, We Will Rock You, M&S Heat & Eat meals.. etc and can't think of anyone.

I know that frisson of shared loathing and it is a fun start, but it doesn't sustain a friendship for me. Maybe I've got the wrong friends - or maybe we all think a little bit differently.

I very much enjoy people who like the same things as me. We can have picnics together, go dancing together and laugh together. We bond through our shared experiences rather than our mutual dislikes.

And, of course, I like anyone who comes to Life Clubs this week and works with us on friendship.

See you soon,
Hope you have a great weekend,
Nina

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |

What are you wearing..?

It was easy when I was three. I didn't care what I wore or what I looked like. I know I was beautifully dressed because I've been told - my mother had been waiting to have a child for so long that I'm sure she lavished the finest clothes on me that she could afford, but I had no idea that all this was going on.

The first time I remember becoming aware of clothes was when the nurse asked my brother if she could have my brother's wonderful beige, fringed cowboy jacket when he grew out of it. Of course, we didn't realise she was being silly and it would never fit her. We were so young we genuinely thought she wanted to wear it. I also thought then and there that it must be quite a special jacket for a grown-up to want it.

But, even then, it was many years before I really cared about what I wore.

Now I care. Recently I've been getting nervous about what to wear when I go into corporates. Having done little but write for most of my life I haven't come face to face with the corporate world before and have been feeling that I don't quite know how to 'fit in'. And yet, armed with this week's workshop, Presenting Me, I've been wondering why I even bother. Plus each business has its own special look.

Some are very crisp. Everyone seems to be wearing stripes and tailored jackets. Others are more flowery and individual. Some sport killer heels whereas others are in flat, sensible shoes. There seems to be no overall theme, just lots of different branches.

I'm just going to be 'me' from now on and let them work out who this grey-haired woman in T-shirts is. Or, better still, forget about what I'm wearing and just converse.

Do you dress for yourself or to fit in with your organisation?

Next week's workshop is all about giving and getting feedback. It's had great feedback(!) each time we've run it.

Why not buy an advance copy of my new book, How to Get What You Want, for nieces, nephews, grandchildren, god-children, friends or even... dare I say it... yourself. It's coming out next week!!!
All best,
Nina

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |

How jealous are you?

I sadly wasn't at our workshop this week, but I heard it had fascinating results.

It was all about relationships and those friends and colleagues and family members who drive you mad in some way or other.

It made me think about my relationships and how they work. I remembered recently feeling slightly frustrated listening to someone I knew. They were having a great time, talking and talking all about themselves to a large crowd - all of whom were laughing and joking. In my mind this acquaintance didn't leave any time for any of us listening to say a word and I started feeling oppressed and cross with her and, needless to say, with myself.

But as I sat there getting twitchier and twitchier, I had my Lightbulb Moment.

Of course, the reason I was feeling so frustrated with her, was that I wanted to be her. I was jealous that I couldn't be the one talking about myself and laughing and joking with an adoring crowd. She'd got there first and, yes, was better at it than me.

Watch out for those mirrors... and that green-eyed you.

Hope you have a lovely weekend in the sun,
Nina
PS If you haven't already, do 'like' us on facebook.

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |

What to do? Laugh or cry?

Or maybe both...

Today was a bit of a bluesy day. Our workshop this week was all about confidence and I, for some reason, decided to feel under-confident. Sadly I didn't have a Life Clubs Host with me to ask me what the advantages were to feeling so under-confident, so I just decided to have a bit of a wallow.

I don't really like wallowing for long and the one thing that I know will cheer me up is a visit to the Tate Gallery, so I asked my eldest daughter if she would come with me.

As you can see, we had fun. This picture just cried out for some interaction. We started by screaming as in 'You make me... scream', went onto crying 'You make me...cry' and then decided to laugh 'You make me... laugh'. Results here.

What do I recommend for anyone feeling under-confident (apart from a trip to Life Clubs)?
seeing art
making art
laughing
being with a friend
...not necessarily in that order.

I'm now on a roll. Hope you are too.

Have a lovely weekend. We're going to do some more making art. What will you do?

Nina
PS A Daily Express journalist came to our day workshop last Saturday and loved it. Read her description in The Express on Monday.

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |

You've got to have friends...

My week was all about friendship this week.

On Monday night I went to Sheffield to open the Life Club there and met Hilary, the Host's partner, Grae. A fellow public speaker, at first the two of us skirted around each other like a couple of dogs, curiously (but cautiously) sniffing each other out not sure if we wanted to really bond. And then something happened and we both suddenly relaxed and really enjoyed each other's company. Or, at least, I really enjoyed his.

What that brought home to me is how long it can take to penetrate through to the bit of someone you're going to like. We have so many guards and defences up that often we don't just confess our fears and feelings of inadequacy straight away which, let's face it, is often the interesting bit. Instead we're so busy trying to show off our beautiful blue feathers in true peacock style.

Together Grae and I went to Hilary's Life Club, which was great. Hilary is warm and intelligent and fun and the club threw up my next Lightbulb Moment, which was that I'm not everything I ask for in a friend.

I love friends who are kind to me and say nice things to me and yet I'm not sure I'm that good at giving compliments. I'm sometimes too busy to really notice how someone else is looking or even what they're saying and if I do notice, I can feel awkward about saying something positive - always feeling I've missed the right moment to say it.

So, from now on, I'm going to be honest and say the nice things I'm thinking. And I'm going to slow down enough to notice just how great everyone else is looking.

I'm going to start off with thanking you all so much for reading. I don't know what I'd do without you.

I hope you have a lovely weekend,
Nina
PS I'm running a workshop on Wellbeing tomorrow. A couple of places left. It's in Westminster, London. If you're free, do come. It's going to be great.

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |

Total chaos...

I am messy. There's no other word for it. From the mess in my car - uneaten sandwiches, half-empty plastic bottles of water and plastic bags littering the floor - to the books, papers and lego lying all over my home, my life is full of clutter.

Monday's Me Day was wonderful. A very organised friend of mine was staying and I asked him to help me tidy up our two office rooms (not my car - I couldn't ask anyone to do that). Of course, it didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would. A man who likes a paper-free environment, he was a bit upset by my insistence that I needed to keep certain sheets, but we compromised and filed them all away beautifully - rather than shoving them in my usual cardboard box, and put a new shelf in the bookshelves to store materials in. My rooms look wonderful and it was a treat to do them in the Life Clubs decluttering week.

There's something slightly uncanny about being too tidy. If I'm honest, I've felt a little unsettled ever since my rooms looked so organised. I'm left with a 'What next?' feeling. There's no longer a 'I must declutter' at the top of my 'To Do' list. There's now a 'Phone clients', 'Plan new website', 'Write proposal for next book' ...etc and none of those tasks are quite as easy or satisfying as tidying up my room. There's almost a fear of getting too decluttered as I'll have to take serious action when it's done.

That was my Me Day and his Me Day was helping me. The tidying up and chucking out certainly was happy. Sadly I've got a whole year to wait 'til the next Me Day when I can start tackling my car - or is that just an excuse?

See you this week,
Looking forward,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs

This is your last chance to come to my workshop this Sunday, Live A More Creative Life, in Central London. It's going to be great. Book now or just turn up.

To read tips garnered from Life Clubs workshops, sign up to our bulletin.

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |

A little help from my friends

I love taking pictures of feet. I'm not sure if it's the shoes - though I did used to be obsessed with shoes - I think it's the gorgeous bits of green or brown or grey that they're standing on.

This week’s workshop is about friends (hence the multiple feet) and what you appreciate about them. I’ve not been able to spend very much time with my friends recently because of the two books I'm writing. But my friends have still been supportive and egging me on wonderfully when I'm not sure if I can create what I want to and I'm not sure if I've got the energy to do it.

What it makes me wonder - and that's one of the things the workshop is about - is what kind of friend I am to them. If I had a friend who was like me - working too hard, obsessed with talking about work, unable to think about plays or films or books or anything else of interest, would I want to be friends with them? I don't think so.

I'd probably find a bit of grass to stand on on my own.
See you at Life Clubs next week - in order to celebrate thinking about friends, you can bring a friend who hasn't been to Life Clubs before for free.
Nina
Founder Life Clubs

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |

Get Going

What gets you on to that first step or moves you along to the final one? How do you motivate yourself?

Instead of mentally beating yourself up for not having done what you wanted to, it's a great idea to talk to yourself the way you would a friend who can't get going.

Let's imagine your friend just can't think of anything to say on their blog and phones you up for a little motivation.

Would you be sympathetic: "I know just how you feel. I sometimes can't think of anything to say either, and then I have a shower and relax and a thought pops into my head. I know you can do it, you always write such great posts."

Or would you be all questiony: "What helps you get creative? What usually inspires you?"

Or would you just be brutal: "Oh, get on with it, you're always moaning."

Think about it, because however you talk to a friend is the way that would most inspire you.

And then, when you've written your post, let me have the link - I'd love to read it.

See you at Life Clubs this week where we're getting motivated,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |