There's always another problem to solve

... and so often we're trying to solve the wrong problem.

At least that's what's happened to me this week.

The problem I thought I was trying to solve was whether or not my 12 year old son and I should be setting off to Tokyo. He's been wanting to go for 4 years and trying to decide whether or not to cancel our holiday has been tormenting me. You may think it's mad that I was even contemplating going to Japan in a week's time, but they are trying to get back to normal life there and seeing tourists is certainly a first sign of normality, so it feels a supportive thing to do.

Everything is up in the air. Japanese family friends we were going to be staying with are not going to be going, but an indomitable American friend is still going, so I've been feeling very torn.

As this week's Life Club is all about problem solving (Key Steps) I thought it would be ideal for me to use it to solve my problem. So, not less than 10 minutes ago, I sat there with the questions (sadly on my own rather than with a buddy inspiring me) and worked through them.

Of course, I was barking up the wrong tree.

The question is not whether we should be going to Japan, but how can I give my son the most fantastic time in those 8 days in which we were going to be going to Japan? What could we do to help him forget that we're not going to go?

My problem was solved and I now feel happy and resolved.

Legoland here we come..!

We all have problems all the time and so often we're not even putting our focus on the real problem.
I look forward to seeing you at Life Clubs this week.

Best wishes,
Nina

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I'm definitely not deep enough

This week's Life Club was all about the kind of questions we ask. I wish I could say that we debated whether god exists and the meaning of religion in 21st century society, but we didn't.

Instead we thought about the difference between open and closed questions.

The first questions we came up with were those 'How are you?' and 'What's up?' questions that we ask all the time without often meaning anything and usually expecting a grunt for an answer. Then a clubber came up with the question: 'What could you do to get better?'.

Now, 'What could you do to get better?' is a pretty good example of an open question. It immediately has me thinking of wonderfully self-improving things, like 'I could go to sleep earlier'... 'I could floss more often'... 'I could go for an hour walk every morning...' and on and on. It feels forward moving and exciting and challenging.

But, as another clubber pointed out, it feels negative. It implies criticism. It implies that you need to get better.

Isn't it interesting how we all look at questions differently?

So, after all that, let's get a bit more intellectual with our questions.

Does god exist? And, if he does, as my son once asked me, why did he create stinging nettles?

Keep me posted with your thoughts.
See you next week at Life Clubs.
All best wishes,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs and author The Life Book (Prentice Hall Life)

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Making Relationships Work

I've been reading all about how to make blogging relationships work and I've been told it's all about asking questions. A good blog doesn't just rant on about relationships (next week's topic) and I don't tell you how bad I am at listening (I do it all day so why at night?) or trusting (been let down too many times) or relaxing (working is so much more fun).

Instead I get to ask you lots of questions and you get to answer. So, here goes:

What secrets have you got as to how to make relationships work?
What would you like to have known at 16 about relationships?
What would you like to know now about relationships?

Please tell me as then we can start our relationship.

I can't wait...
Nina
Founder Life Clubs

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