Working on relationships

This week at Life Clubs we've got a great workshop about relationships, called Making Relationships Work.

My workshop is on Wednesday and, to be honest, I was beginning to feel a bit hypocritical about running it. I haven't been very sociable recently and didn't feel I was doing particularly well on the relationship front.

This weekend has changed all that (or most of it!) Our children are looking after themselves and my husband and I are having the weekend alone together. We've done nothing much - we've both been working quite a bit, but we've also been to the pub, had a lovely wet walk, and, what's been so important, spent time together.

In that time we've had conversations, listened to each other, been sounding boards for each other and realised why we liked each other in the first place.

If you want to make a relationship work, it doesn't have to be a whole weekend, but why not get together and listen to each other. Miracles will happen.

I'm now ready to run that workshop!

See you Wednesday,
Best wishes,
Nina

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |

Screw your way to happiness

I didn't mean to be so provocative, but I was having a great conversation today about happiness (our workshop of the week) and the title just popped into my head.

In our conversation we were talking about how it was little things that make you happy and I was remembering how my 11-year old had just bought the Dr Who Sonic Screwdriver he'd been saving up for.

Of course, he brought it home for someone to help him put the batteries in. They were, needless to say, in the most awkward of positions and we managed to break the battery holder whilst doing it. But the problem was finding the right size screwdriver to undo the screws.

We searched the house high and low and then, there, in (of course) the tool chest, was the tiniest little screwdriver - just the one we wanted.

Happiness was finding that screwdriver.

The person I was telling my story to, replied wisely and said 'Isn't solving a problem what makes you happy?'

So, I'm going to leave you with that thought. What would you say made you happy?

Maybe it's that provocative screw we mentioned before.

All best wishes for a lovely weekend. I'm running a workshop on relationships on Sunday and meeting prospective Hosts on Saturday. What could be better?

If you want to come to the workshop, get in touch (nina@lifeclubs.co.uk).
Nina
Founder Life Clubs

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |

Election Fever making an Ass (of) u (and) me

This week's workshop was all about assumptions and, yes, I assumed the British electorate would vote differently from how they did. I'm now assuming that it was a knee-jerk 'Let's get Labour out' that caused the swing to Tory, rather than to Nick Clegg, who somewhat stole my heart.

Of course I also stayed up too late when I really could have gone to bed because nothing happened last night except a few (rightly) disgruntled wannabe voters were having problems voting. I assumed by 1.00 I'd really have a good idea what was going on, but when I went to bed the assumptions were that it was going to be an overwhelming majority for the Tories, whereas instead... how the potential mighty fell in a few hours.

Politics is all about assumptions, but so are our lives. We assume so much about who we are and what we can and can't do and how our lives will pan out. I assume I'm not going to understand what exactly a hung parliament is going to mean for us. I assume I'm bad at understanding what the different political issues of the election really are. I assume I don't know what the effects of a double-dip recession will be for us. And all those assumptions stop me even trying to understand. I leave it to 'others'.

Thinking positively, I'm going to assume you'd like to know about our workshop on relationships. It's on Sunday 16th May in Westminster, Central London. It costs £75 (almost all money to Marie Curie as Lynne and I are giving our time for free) and is for anyone who wants to either get on better with their partner or find a loving relationship. Do come along - it'll be great.

And now, let's assume that we'll all have a wonderful day and that David Cameron will stand up, dust himself off and get it together.

See you soon,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs and author The Big Book of Me and The Life Book
PS Photos taken this morning!

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |

'til death us do part

I've had a bit of a values week. This week's Life Club was all about values and I was interviewed by a wedding planner about values in a relationship and ended up (as usual) talking about my relationships.

I don't have much 'in common' with my husband in the 'hobbies' sense of the word. He loves boats and I get sea-sick really easily (even on a river). He loves history and I (as you know) live in the future. He loves 'being a tourist' and I am very lowbrow on holiday and want to lie low with a book. And on and on it goes. And yet we're happy together and that's because our values are so similar.

We both rate independence which means we can do our own thing if we want to. We both value security, which means we feel secure together and trust each other. And honesty comes at the top of our values which means we'll be open and honest with each other.

I won't say there aren't times when our honesty causes us to be cross with each other, but that's OK too because the security means we're able to do that.

So, 'til death us do part seems appropriate.

Look for the values. Are you living yours?

See you next week,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |

I assume you will want to read this

Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Next week's Life Club is all about expanding your mind and getting clear on what assumptions you hold.

Last year I was on an 11-month Leadership course in California and one of the books we read as part of the course was The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. It is 1% Out There, about using Toltec Wisdom. When I started reading it, I assumed it was a little bit Airy Fairy. Boy, was I wrong. It was truly eye opening.

It is a bitty little book -- easy reading, and in it has 4 principles to live by -- and the third is Don't Make Assumptions. Sounds simple, doesn't it?

Here's what I learned.

We humans are excellent at making assumptions. Especially about other people. We assume that we know how someone is going to react to us, what they are thinking, what their motives are, what kind of person they are based on a number of random factors. How do we really know? Well, we don't.

And we are great at assuming about ourselves. We assume that we are destined to fail, or succeed, or be liked, or not. It short-circuits lots of things we could do.

The issue with this assumption business is that our tendency is that we truly believe our assumption. We turn them into hard-core judgements and then make our life decisions about people, about ourselves, based upon them. Not only do we believe our assumptions about what other people are thinking, but then we end up taking those assumptions personally and even end up resenting the person. All of this over an assumption - a guess we MAKE UP.

That is a lot of work ... based upon things we are, um, guessing at!

Making assumptions isn’t just about interpreting other people, either. We often assume that they know what we’re thinking, as well.

This is classically seen in any romantic relationship.

• "He hasn't called, so he doesn't like me"

• "This birthday gift is so generic, she has no idea who I am"

• "If he really loved me, he would know not to do that!"

One of the biggest assumptions we make is that everyone else sees the world the same way we do, and that creates a lot of un-necessary drama and chaos.

The best way to go about not making untrue assumptions is also really obvious: Ask. Once you have an answer to your question, it’s a good idea to go ahead and ask again to make sure that you really understand what has been said to you.

No one is saying this is easy stuff. Frankly, not making assumptions is just plain hard. The author points out that just learning about our tendency to make assumptions is a great first step in putting an end to it. Of course, it is only a first step.

Here's a test: What are you assuming about me since I wrote this? What are you assuming about yourself?

Am I right to assume you are now all chomping at the bit to get to next week's Life Club?

:-)

Assumptively yours-
Carol
Your American Glasgow Host

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |

Making Relationships Work

I've been reading all about how to make blogging relationships work and I've been told it's all about asking questions. A good blog doesn't just rant on about relationships (next week's topic) and I don't tell you how bad I am at listening (I do it all day so why at night?) or trusting (been let down too many times) or relaxing (working is so much more fun).

Instead I get to ask you lots of questions and you get to answer. So, here goes:

What secrets have you got as to how to make relationships work?
What would you like to have known at 16 about relationships?
What would you like to know now about relationships?

Please tell me as then we can start our relationship.

I can't wait...
Nina
Founder Life Clubs

Add Post To: | | | | | | | | |