Following can be good

This week's workshop was about body language and, as I was talking to one of my heroes, my 11-year old son, I asked him what he thought would be a good illustration.

Now Tommy has a few crazes at the moment. Those of you who have been following my blog, already know about Dr Who (though who in the UK at the moment isn't an addict?) and Bionicles (those weird Lego robots), but the one you may not yet have heard about is Men In Black. Yesterday he watched Men In Black 2 and so he filled me in on the latest:

'Mum, in Men In Black, they meet these aliens and in order to befriend them, they start dancing the way the aliens dance.'

How good is that for an example?

I had a similar experience when I was in Tobago on holiday many, many years ago. It is a stunning country, but walking the streets and smiling at people, saying 'Hello', I felt a bit of hostility. No-one smiled back.

After a while, I decided to do what anyone else would have done and stop smiling and start observing. It was then I noticed that when one Tobagonian met another, they didn't smile, but instead lifted their hand up slightly from their thigh to say 'Hello'.

Like Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones, I decided to copy the body language of the people I wanted to be friendly with. Each time I met someone, I casually raised my hand a little from where it was hanging relaxed.

Oh Yes! Suddenly I belonged.

All I can say is... it was a great workshop and I had a great holiday.

What experiences do you have of using your body language to fit in? Just let us know.

I hope you have a great week.
See you at Life Clubs,
Nina
PS Our Work workshop is filling up with lovely people. It's in Westminster on Saturday 24th April and Lynne (my fabulous HR) and I are giving of our time to raise money for Marie Curie. It's £75 and it's for anyone who is working too hard or not working hard enough or not enjoying their job or not sure what they want from a career. It's going to be fab. Five Life Club workshops in one day ... intense! Book now.

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Blow your own trumpet

My mother always used to say that those who show-off get more out of life. I'm not sure that that's a general rule, but it pretty much is.

Yes, I know we're all brought up to be modest and self-effacing, but where does it get us?

My fear has been around setting up my own website. 'I don't need a website' I've been saying to myself. 'It's not about me, it's about Life Clubs'. But, the other day, Genevieve, my wonderful right-hand, googled me and told me straight that the link between Nina Grunfeld and Life Clubs is tenuous and I have to have my own website in order that anyone who reads about Nina Grunfeld in the papers can be directed to Life Clubs.

In my mind there was my mum and there was Genevieve, but in my heart I felt fearful. What was I going to put about myself? How was I going to show off about myself? Do I say that I'm the best or do I make a bit of an apology about having a website?

This week's workshop was about fear (and very appropriately timed it was too). Before I started writing my website I imagined myself to be that show-off and feeling both delighted and successful. And then I wrote.

The wonderful result has just gone to my great designer (David Eldridge, who created the Life Clubs website and all my books to date) and will from there go to my lovely web man who will make it all real.

So, watch this space.

And, whenever you're feeling fearful, just imagine how delighted you'll feel having done it what you're dreading doing, and do it. Or, think of my mum and go for it.

Besides... what's the worst thing that can happen?

All best wishes,
Nina
PS Do come to my day workshop on Work. It's for anyone who wants more from their work. It's on Saturday 24th April, from 10-5, in Westminster, Central London, costs £75 and is in aid of Marie Curie. Both Lynne and I who are running it are giving our time for free.

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How do you solve a problem like..?

Last week we were problem solving at Life Clubs. We use a wonderful 'mnemonic' called (needless to say) LIFE and, when you've worked through it you've solved your problem.

Possibly the most powerful question to ask is 'When did I succeed in solving this sort of problem before?' because it comes up with all sorts of positive answers and can make you realise that maybe you're trying to solve a problem that isn't the one you really want to solve.

One of my clubbers wanted to be able to meet someone - if you like - be ready for a relationship. And, as she came to that question she had her Lightbulb Moment that really she wasn't ready for anyone, because the previous times she'd met new people and started a relationship, she'd been feeling really good about herself and deeply creative and happy - and she wasn't now.

What a great new problem to solve... how to get creative. This week she's signing up for all sorts of creative courses and I can't see how anyone she meets could fail to fall in love with her.

My problem is often thinking about what to write. I love writing once I settle down to it, but what to say..? When I asked myself that powerful question I realised that ideas always came to me when I relaxed. So... check me out on the sofa in my pyjamas!

Let me know what problem you've got to solve and if that question helps.

Happy Easter to everyone. Next problem... where will the Easter bunny hide his eggs if it's raining?

What a lovely problem to have.

All best wishes,
Nina
If you'd like to know more about problem solving - or anything else that goes on at Life Clubs, do sign up for our bulletin.

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What's Your Best Life Ever?

So often we moan about our life - and why not? Of course, things can be happier, or more fulfilling, or calmer or more rewarding or even more three-dimensional.

But isn't the best time just lying down under a beautiful sky, listening to the birds, feeling the sun on your body and smelling the grass or the sea. When you're in the moment?

I started writing this week's Best Life Ever workshop when I sadly wasn't lying down under the blue sky, but sitting at my desk and confronted with a jar of broken biros. Each pen I pulled out to write something with was broken and had to be thrown away. Grrr I thought. In my best life I'd have a jar full of pens that worked.

That thought surprised me. What a simple request. How easy to fix is that?

Keep aware of your life. Notice when little things annoy you and sort them. I'm not suggesting that the underlying sadnesses most of us have - such as abandonment, betrayal, jealousy, lack of confidence etc etc - are that easy to fix, but if the lid is on the toothpaste and there's a clean cup in the cupboard for our tea and there's a pen that works, we're pretty darn close to having an ideal life.

Now I'm grateful for every pen that works. And, this weekend, I'm going to find some sun to lie in.

If you're lying down and looking at blue skies, do you want to moan?

Hope you have a wonderful weekend,
Nina
If you'd like to get know more about your best life, sign up for our bulletin

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Sleepy

Oh, I both wish I could look like her and I wish I could be doing what she's doing.

This week we used stories at Life Clubs to move ourselves forward. I've had a very busy week - both during the day and at night (exciting). I love going out and ... although I was shattered ... my daughter and I danced the night away last night, so today I'm truly exhausted.

I know, it's Friday and I've got the weekend ahead of me, only I haven't. A lovely friend of mine (who looks more like the pre-Raphaelite lady in the picture than I do) has booked us both in for a course this weekend. I'm sure I shall really enjoy it because I love courses, but it's an 8.15-6.00 course on both Saturday and Sunday and right now I feel all I want to do is spend the weekend in bed.

As a story, that might be a little bit like the red shoes ballet. I feel I'm wearing these red shoes that won't let me stop... not even for a moment.

As a story, how could that end?
...I could cut the shoes off - or maybe even my feet (if I had to)
...I could tie myself down so I couldn't move
...I could blindfold myself so I didn't feel so dizzy
...I could wake up as if I was in a bad dream

Any other ideas... please let me know.

How can that translate into reality?
...Cutting my shoes off could mean that I felt so ill this weekend I couldn't go anyway
...Tying myself down could be going to bed today as soon as my last meeting is over
...Blindfolding myself could mean wearing dark glasses today to protect my tired eyes
...Waking up might mean saying 'No' to the weekend

I think I'll go with tying myself down!!!

Stories are great to help you detach from the problem you have. They give you another perspective on your life.

Have a go and let me know.

Hope you all have a great weekend - are you on a course too?
All best,
Nina
PS Book in to Life Clubs weekend courses - they'll be fab.

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Why sports?

This week's Life Clubs was all about writing headlines in which you star. I scoured the newspapers from top to toe to find examples of the kind of headlines I hoped clubbers would write, but there was nothing there. Doom and gloom was all I could find.

I decided to look in the sports pages - not my natural habitat - and there, thankfully, I found just what I wanted.

Henman the man as LTA sifts the rubble of Vilnius
Nasri spectacular and Bendtner hat-trick sweep poor Porto aside

Gosh. How would that make you feel to have those headlines?

(Put your name here) the man/woman...
(Put your name here) spectacular...
(Put your name here) hat-trick...

Excited...? Successful...? A star...?

But why wait til you play professional football? You can do it now.

Create the headline you want.

As one of my clubbers wrote. (Put your name here) writes her way into a new career...

Just go for it. Let me know the headline you came up with.
See you this week,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs, author of The Big Book of Me and The Life Book

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Lucky is saying 'Yes'

I was so lucky. At my Life Club this week was one of my favourite mentors, Jane, who just turned 80 this year.

The workshop was about saying 'No'. How could we create the balance we wanted in our lives by saying 'No' to things we didn't want to do and therefore have time to do the things we wanted to do.

Jane has now got to the stage that she felt she didn't want to think about saying 'No', she wanted to discover how to say 'Yes' to the things she hasn't yet got round (or dare I say 'dared') to doing.

But saying 'Yes' sometimes just means having worked out what to say 'No' to. For example, saying 'Yes' to having a great year this year, means saying 'No' to doubt, fear, procrastination and anything else that's stopping you having that 'Yes' year.

I'm going to say 'Yes' to continuing to think I'm lucky. And I'm going to say 'No' to worrying that things may go 'wrong'. After all, what is 'wrong' but a time to take stock of what's just happened and learn from it?

I'm lucky that you're ready this and, if you're not, then what can I learn from that?

Please let me know.

Hope you have a great weekend.
I'm at The Grove Hotel... do come and join me there another weekend.
Nina
Best-selling author (I've just been told by my publisher) of The Life Book

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