Yeah but No but Yeah but No but ...

Here are a couple questions ...

1. What's your first instinct when somebody offers you some friendly (or perhaps not so nice) criticism in the name of "feedback"?

If your like me or the others at our workshop last night, it's to immediately go on the defensive.

"Yeah, but I did it the way you told me to."

"Who are you to judge?"

"I did the best I could with the resources I had."

Et cetera.

2. What's the first thing you do when you're giving feedback and the person you're trying to talk to gets all defensive?

Last night's group all answered the same way ... we get more defensive right back at them.

Creates an interesting little circle of non-communication, doesn't it?

Hmmmm.

So here's an idea ...

Next time you get some feedback, just bite your tongue and listen. Let it wash over you like you're sitting on a beach and a big, unexpected wave crashes on top of your head. It's just a wave. You know it will pass, and flow back into the sea from whence it came.

Then shake it off, have a think about it, and deal with it once you've had time to get over the shock.

Let's extend the metaphor a bit. Indulge me.

You might want to take a minute while you're underwater, and just slowly breathe out. 'Cause what's going to happen the minute you take a deep breath to support your well-deserved "no but yeah but no but ...." speech?

Well, you're probably gonna choke and sputter on all that water. You won't be able to soak in what's really being said, let alone take in a drop or two of potentially salient information. It might not be what you want to experience (or hear), but it's certainly not going to kill you to pay attention.

Some of us hate getting feedback because we already know what's right and wrong with what we've done, and we certainly don't want to be reminded of it from someone who seems to think they know better.

But odds are, that "know it all" is just doing their job. Our teachers aren't doing their work unless we keep learning. Our bosses are being scrutinized by their bosses. Our coaches (at work, at the gym, or on the phone) are just doing what we pay them to ... push us a little bit out of our comfort zone.

Sure, feedback (especially from people who don't know how to give it) might be uncomfortable. But why prolong the discomfort but getting into a battle of the wills?

Listen. Breath out. Take what you can use. Let the rest go back to where it came from.

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