Books or mind or both?

To me this messy bookshelf looks divine. Inviting, intelligent, a little chaotic and definitely worth looking in as you might find a treasure. And yet, this week, we were hosting a workshop on decluttering, so it's not really appropriate for me to eulogise about mess.

Our office, before this week, looked a little like those shelves and part of me loved it. It feels like there's always something to discover. It made us look a little human and homely rather than stiff and anal. After all (and this is how I try and persuade myself) we're a soft, fuzzy business, we should have a soft, fuzzy workplace.

But this week we set to work. Each folder was removed from the shelves and brought up to date. Each piece of paper was found a home or binned and we even filed away all our computer documents on dropbox (our new favourite toy).

Gosh. Does it feel good. We've had a fantastic week with interesting meeting after interesting meeting. I'm now convinced I've opened a space in which more creativity can happen rather than less. We're all skipping here.

How's your decluttering going??? Is it your books you're getting rid of or the mess in your mind?

Good luck - just don't throw any my way.
Nina
PS If you're a top tips kind of person, have a look at mine on work/life balance here
PPS If you're a facebook kind of person, do 'like' our page
PPPS Next week's workshop is on creativity. For a look at this month's workshops, click here.

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I assume you will want to read this

Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Next week's Life Club is all about expanding your mind and getting clear on what assumptions you hold.

Last year I was on an 11-month Leadership course in California and one of the books we read as part of the course was The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. It is 1% Out There, about using Toltec Wisdom. When I started reading it, I assumed it was a little bit Airy Fairy. Boy, was I wrong. It was truly eye opening.

It is a bitty little book -- easy reading, and in it has 4 principles to live by -- and the third is Don't Make Assumptions. Sounds simple, doesn't it?

Here's what I learned.

We humans are excellent at making assumptions. Especially about other people. We assume that we know how someone is going to react to us, what they are thinking, what their motives are, what kind of person they are based on a number of random factors. How do we really know? Well, we don't.

And we are great at assuming about ourselves. We assume that we are destined to fail, or succeed, or be liked, or not. It short-circuits lots of things we could do.

The issue with this assumption business is that our tendency is that we truly believe our assumption. We turn them into hard-core judgements and then make our life decisions about people, about ourselves, based upon them. Not only do we believe our assumptions about what other people are thinking, but then we end up taking those assumptions personally and even end up resenting the person. All of this over an assumption - a guess we MAKE UP.

That is a lot of work ... based upon things we are, um, guessing at!

Making assumptions isn’t just about interpreting other people, either. We often assume that they know what we’re thinking, as well.

This is classically seen in any romantic relationship.

• "He hasn't called, so he doesn't like me"

• "This birthday gift is so generic, she has no idea who I am"

• "If he really loved me, he would know not to do that!"

One of the biggest assumptions we make is that everyone else sees the world the same way we do, and that creates a lot of un-necessary drama and chaos.

The best way to go about not making untrue assumptions is also really obvious: Ask. Once you have an answer to your question, it’s a good idea to go ahead and ask again to make sure that you really understand what has been said to you.

No one is saying this is easy stuff. Frankly, not making assumptions is just plain hard. The author points out that just learning about our tendency to make assumptions is a great first step in putting an end to it. Of course, it is only a first step.

Here's a test: What are you assuming about me since I wrote this? What are you assuming about yourself?

Am I right to assume you are now all chomping at the bit to get to next week's Life Club?

:-)

Assumptively yours-
Carol
Your American Glasgow Host

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A little help from my friends

I love taking pictures of feet. I'm not sure if it's the shoes - though I did used to be obsessed with shoes - I think it's the gorgeous bits of green or brown or grey that they're standing on.

This week’s workshop is about friends (hence the multiple feet) and what you appreciate about them. I’ve not been able to spend very much time with my friends recently because of the two books I'm writing. But my friends have still been supportive and egging me on wonderfully when I'm not sure if I can create what I want to and I'm not sure if I've got the energy to do it.

What it makes me wonder - and that's one of the things the workshop is about - is what kind of friend I am to them. If I had a friend who was like me - working too hard, obsessed with talking about work, unable to think about plays or films or books or anything else of interest, would I want to be friends with them? I don't think so.

I'd probably find a bit of grass to stand on on my own.
See you at Life Clubs next week - in order to celebrate thinking about friends, you can bring a friend who hasn't been to Life Clubs before for free.
Nina
Founder Life Clubs

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Far from the madding crowd

Far from the madding crowd I can do what I like and in Dorset, with my daughter about to study this Hardy novel, I decided to go for my first Hardy.

I've always thought I'd hate Hardy. I've tried several times to get into one or other of his novels and have given up - his poetic style of writing frustrating me. But this time, with the thought of GCSEs hovering in the background I persisted and was it ever worthwhile? It was brilliant. A Greek tragedy in a Dorset village.

A few days of being totally immersed, with hazy memories of a very sexy Terence Stamp and Julie Christie in my mind, I realise again how my ideal life would allow me to read novel after novel.

In London I have time for three or four pages (maximum) a night before I drop off to sleep exhausted. I usually have a few personal improvement books I'm in the middle of, simply because a novel would have me too gripped to either go to sleep or function properly the next day.

But here, in Dorset, lying on the beach or in bed or on the sofa far from the madding crowd I am happy and living in the present. What's more, there's a whole host of other Hardy novels to explore so I can see hours of bliss stretching ahead of me.

Bring on the next Hardy!

See you at Life Clubs next week,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs

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