Election Fever making an Ass (of) u (and) me

This week's workshop was all about assumptions and, yes, I assumed the British electorate would vote differently from how they did. I'm now assuming that it was a knee-jerk 'Let's get Labour out' that caused the swing to Tory, rather than to Nick Clegg, who somewhat stole my heart.

Of course I also stayed up too late when I really could have gone to bed because nothing happened last night except a few (rightly) disgruntled wannabe voters were having problems voting. I assumed by 1.00 I'd really have a good idea what was going on, but when I went to bed the assumptions were that it was going to be an overwhelming majority for the Tories, whereas instead... how the potential mighty fell in a few hours.

Politics is all about assumptions, but so are our lives. We assume so much about who we are and what we can and can't do and how our lives will pan out. I assume I'm not going to understand what exactly a hung parliament is going to mean for us. I assume I'm bad at understanding what the different political issues of the election really are. I assume I don't know what the effects of a double-dip recession will be for us. And all those assumptions stop me even trying to understand. I leave it to 'others'.

Thinking positively, I'm going to assume you'd like to know about our workshop on relationships. It's on Sunday 16th May in Westminster, Central London. It costs £75 (almost all money to Marie Curie as Lynne and I are giving our time for free) and is for anyone who wants to either get on better with their partner or find a loving relationship. Do come along - it'll be great.

And now, let's assume that we'll all have a wonderful day and that David Cameron will stand up, dust himself off and get it together.

See you soon,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs and author The Big Book of Me and The Life Book
PS Photos taken this morning!

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I assume you will want to read this

Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Next week's Life Club is all about expanding your mind and getting clear on what assumptions you hold.

Last year I was on an 11-month Leadership course in California and one of the books we read as part of the course was The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. It is 1% Out There, about using Toltec Wisdom. When I started reading it, I assumed it was a little bit Airy Fairy. Boy, was I wrong. It was truly eye opening.

It is a bitty little book -- easy reading, and in it has 4 principles to live by -- and the third is Don't Make Assumptions. Sounds simple, doesn't it?

Here's what I learned.

We humans are excellent at making assumptions. Especially about other people. We assume that we know how someone is going to react to us, what they are thinking, what their motives are, what kind of person they are based on a number of random factors. How do we really know? Well, we don't.

And we are great at assuming about ourselves. We assume that we are destined to fail, or succeed, or be liked, or not. It short-circuits lots of things we could do.

The issue with this assumption business is that our tendency is that we truly believe our assumption. We turn them into hard-core judgements and then make our life decisions about people, about ourselves, based upon them. Not only do we believe our assumptions about what other people are thinking, but then we end up taking those assumptions personally and even end up resenting the person. All of this over an assumption - a guess we MAKE UP.

That is a lot of work ... based upon things we are, um, guessing at!

Making assumptions isn’t just about interpreting other people, either. We often assume that they know what we’re thinking, as well.

This is classically seen in any romantic relationship.

• "He hasn't called, so he doesn't like me"

• "This birthday gift is so generic, she has no idea who I am"

• "If he really loved me, he would know not to do that!"

One of the biggest assumptions we make is that everyone else sees the world the same way we do, and that creates a lot of un-necessary drama and chaos.

The best way to go about not making untrue assumptions is also really obvious: Ask. Once you have an answer to your question, it’s a good idea to go ahead and ask again to make sure that you really understand what has been said to you.

No one is saying this is easy stuff. Frankly, not making assumptions is just plain hard. The author points out that just learning about our tendency to make assumptions is a great first step in putting an end to it. Of course, it is only a first step.

Here's a test: What are you assuming about me since I wrote this? What are you assuming about yourself?

Am I right to assume you are now all chomping at the bit to get to next week's Life Club?

:-)

Assumptively yours-
Carol
Your American Glasgow Host

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It's going to go wrong

I always assume machines know nothing and people know everything

One of the assumptions I make is that my computer is going to go wrong and all my work is going to get lost.

I have lost things on occasion, but by and large I know this assumption isn't true. Firstly because I have one of those little MacBooks and I've been told they rarely break down. Secondly because (when I remember) I back everything up 'in space' so it can't get lost and, what I don't back up google, my e-mail account, does. And thirdly - I think I need a thirdly here - because it hasn't gone wrong since I had it - and those odd times when I thought it had - it was always me that had done something wrong.

So, logically I can reassure my assumption that all is well. The facts stack up nicely against it and so I have to stay calm and trust that everything is OK.

My other assumption - that people know everything - is equally difficult to feel comfortable with. It takes me a long time when I meet someone to realise that we have different pools of knowledge. I always assume they know everything I know - even if I know that I don't know everything they know.

The last five days I've spent training Life Clubs hosts and increasingly I find training others a little uncanny. I can't imagine that they don't know what I know, so I cut corners in what I tell them and skip over things that are probably quite important - anything rather than risk telling them something they already know. And yet if I thought about the facts, it would be apparent that they don't know anything I'm going to teach them or else why would they be there.

If only I could assume that people know nothing and machines know everything, I'd be all right.

See you soon,
Nina
Founder Life Clubs

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