I assume you will want to read this

Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Next week's Life Club is all about expanding your mind and getting clear on what assumptions you hold.

Last year I was on an 11-month Leadership course in California and one of the books we read as part of the course was The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. It is 1% Out There, about using Toltec Wisdom. When I started reading it, I assumed it was a little bit Airy Fairy. Boy, was I wrong. It was truly eye opening.

It is a bitty little book -- easy reading, and in it has 4 principles to live by -- and the third is Don't Make Assumptions. Sounds simple, doesn't it?

Here's what I learned.

We humans are excellent at making assumptions. Especially about other people. We assume that we know how someone is going to react to us, what they are thinking, what their motives are, what kind of person they are based on a number of random factors. How do we really know? Well, we don't.

And we are great at assuming about ourselves. We assume that we are destined to fail, or succeed, or be liked, or not. It short-circuits lots of things we could do.

The issue with this assumption business is that our tendency is that we truly believe our assumption. We turn them into hard-core judgements and then make our life decisions about people, about ourselves, based upon them. Not only do we believe our assumptions about what other people are thinking, but then we end up taking those assumptions personally and even end up resenting the person. All of this over an assumption - a guess we MAKE UP.

That is a lot of work ... based upon things we are, um, guessing at!

Making assumptions isn’t just about interpreting other people, either. We often assume that they know what we’re thinking, as well.

This is classically seen in any romantic relationship.

• "He hasn't called, so he doesn't like me"

• "This birthday gift is so generic, she has no idea who I am"

• "If he really loved me, he would know not to do that!"

One of the biggest assumptions we make is that everyone else sees the world the same way we do, and that creates a lot of un-necessary drama and chaos.

The best way to go about not making untrue assumptions is also really obvious: Ask. Once you have an answer to your question, it’s a good idea to go ahead and ask again to make sure that you really understand what has been said to you.

No one is saying this is easy stuff. Frankly, not making assumptions is just plain hard. The author points out that just learning about our tendency to make assumptions is a great first step in putting an end to it. Of course, it is only a first step.

Here's a test: What are you assuming about me since I wrote this? What are you assuming about yourself?

Am I right to assume you are now all chomping at the bit to get to next week's Life Club?

:-)

Assumptively yours-
Carol
Your American Glasgow Host

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