Friends will be Friends

So, I got in the car to drive to my Life Club yesturday, and turned on the radio to 'Friends will be friends', by Queen from the sound of it, which luckily prompted me to mentally go through the evening ahead and then realise I had left all my notes at home!

Also luckily, I had left more than enough time to get to the venue, so all was well.

It was really interesting to look at why we have certain people in our lives and why we find it hard to let go of certain people. It was REALLY nice to think about all the people that lift us, and what it is we like about them so much.


Talking of friends, I have my close friend staying with me at the moment as she is in London doing a voice course. This is a friendship that started at college and has continued to grow and develop into this relationship that I cherish so much, and feel so blessed to have.

So I'm off to enjoy some quality hanging out time with my friend.

Vanessa x

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All the people... so many people

The topic for this week is relationships. There's all manner of relationships in our lives - family, friends, romantic, professional, even the people we buy our food from - and we're going to be looking at ALL of them! I'm pretty excited about this, because the focus is going to be on the things all relationships have in common. I think that's really important.

It's easy to think of different types of relationships as being entirely different species with completely different rules. All of your relationships have something in common though - YOU! And with you go all your ideas, assumptions and limiting beliefs about how people are with you and how you are with them. If you find it hard to say 'no' to your boss, you'll probably find it hard to say 'no' to your friends too. If you feel you're not good at connecting with your family, perhaps you also feel you're not great at connecting with your neighbours.

The thing is, the rules that govern your relationships tend to be pretty universal. And what's more, guess who made them up? That's right, you did! So this week's workshop is an opportunity to make a big impact on all areas of your balance chart.

Mark Lister

Edinburgh Life Club

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Yes, it was a blast

Wasn't sure that I was the festival type anymore and at times this weekend focusing on other people against the din of the music felt tough, but going out in the crowd and dancing with the music felt wonderful, exhilerating and fun.

Our 'enjoy all of your life' smiling skull T-shirts were a great hit. Photographed, bought and worn by the select few I know they were one of the stars of LoveBox.

Our yurt was colourful too - covered with balloons and cheerful in the sun - and rain. Today was sunny all day which was lovely. We even ran a few Life Clubs outside.

I know I've missed Glastonbury, but I'm sure there are a few more festivals left in me.

Hope you caught us - or will at the next one.
I know I'm going to be grooving all week now.
Nina

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ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

I haven't written for a couple of weeks as I've been away working.

It was great to come back to this weeks topic, I love it!

Change!

I remember the first time I participated in this workshop, the thing that really struck and stuck with me was unearthing the benefits of behaviours that are limiting, (eg I'm disorganised-hidden benefit-I don't have to be on time for anything!), hard to think of at first but when you get that light bulb moment and realise ' Oh, that's why I'm really behaving and thinking like that', it's an amazing feeling!

As I'm writing this I'm trying to remember what I worked on that first time, as It'll be interesting to note the changes I've made.

I'll let you know!

Vanessa x

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More creative than I thought...

Hi all,

Well its a few weeks on and the message from the presenting me workshop is still ringing in my ears. Its surprising how much we forget the things we achieve over the years and focus on the things we fear.

I was asked to provide the cake for my step-daughters birthday party and was about to order one from my local bakers, to the tune of £60 when I thought back to the various things that I have done over the years and started thinking about when I was at catering college and took a cake decoration course. I made a few cakes for people years ago when the children were small and although that was nearly 25 (gulp) years ago; I thought of the presenting me group work and started coming up with a list of skills and achievements that I had completely forgotten about.

Well I decided to jump back in at the very deepest end and make the cake myself. After two evenings of the kitchen looking like an explosion in an icing sugar factory not to mention feeling sick from eating cake mix, butter cream and icing... the cake was finished. And guess what? Not only did it go down a storm but I received 2 requests from guests for more cakes. So not only did I save £40 but the boost to my confidence was priceless... something else to add to my mental CV.

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All change!

There's all sorts of things that stop us taking on the changes we really want in our lives. Change can be challenging or scary for many reasons, but when we finally take it on, we rarely regret it. This is what we're exploring in this week's Life Clubs.

Change can be thrust upon us, and therefore seem traumatic, unexpected, unpleasant. What's intriguing is that the other sort - change we decide we want - can seem just as horrible, or even more so, even if it's very clear that the change is all cons and no pros. Three years ago I was still a smoker, and had wanted to stop for some time. I drew up a pros and cons list - the cons list was huge, and I couldn't think of a SINGLE thing to put on the pros. And yet, the thought of changing was still really uncomfortable. (That's what REALLY keeps people smoking, by the way - the physical addiction's over in no time.)

It's got a lot to do with the Limiting Beliefs we looked at last week. In the Edinburgh Life Club, someone raised the interesting question 'How do you spot limiting beliefs?' One answer is 'By initiating change.' They'll appear right in your sights, between you and your objective.

And yes, that means if you deal with a limiting belief to make one change, that belief will also stop being so in the way of another. So change enables change. Win win.

Have a different week!

Mark Lister
Edinburgh Life Club

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Can't wait to get reading

My club had so many budding writers it was really exciting. It felt a creative force in the centre of London. I can't wait to read what everyone is going to write. So many characters with so many stories.

It's interesting how reticent we are at saying how we'd like to be feeling. It's easy to think of all the child-like negative thoughts we're having, like 'I'm no good with money' or 'I'm scared of meeting new people' or 'no-one's going to like my book', but replacing those thoughts with 'I'm ruthless' or 'I'm great with new people' or 'my book will be a best-seller' seems tough.

Sometimes it's even hard to think of a goal we want to achieve. 'I want to pass my history degree' - when actually you really want to get on with being a DJ - feels a little like putting life on hold and a bit of a 'should' rather than 'want' goal. What about doing both - the former big-time and the latter in small doses.

These are a few of the things I observed tonight.

As well as seeing everyone sit up straighter and smile as they realised their lives could be a little different.

Watch this space.

Nina (Westminster Club)

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The week ahead: Limiting Beliefs

Ever said "I'm my own worst enemy" or "I'm holding myself back"? That's where limiting beliefs are at work. Something you believe to be true about yourself or your life that restricts what you think is possible. They fence you in and constrain you. They can seem insurmountable, like they're just The Truth. They can affect all sorts of areas of life. The thing is though, beliefs are something you have, and like anything else you have, you can change them.

This week's Life Clubs are about tackling your limiting beliefs, and expanding what's possible for you. Should be fun!

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What do we all look like?

I've had a great week listening in to everyone bemoaning the way they look - or at least the clothes they wear. And that includes me too.

It's amazing how clothes can keep us hidden. If we dress quietly we'll get ignored and won't have to say anything interesting, if we wear a uniform we will be more in control, if we wear a suit things might happen to us - and that might be scary.

I wear my uniform too. It's so easy getting out of bed and pretending to be a man and just putting on a pair of trousers and a stripey shirt - I love it. But maybe it's keeping me small.

Just watch this space. This week I'm going to buy something totally different. Major prize to the first person who catches me in my new dress.

Hope to see you soon,
Nina (Westminster Club)

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How do I look?

Self-image. It's totally internal, yet it's something we think about as being part of everyone else's reality. Hmmm. It's plainly got a lot to do with what we looked at last week, selling oneself. A positive self-image is certainly a big help to presenting yourself positively.

I don't know about you, but when I feel insecure about something, I can't help thinking everybody can see it. I don't even have to be terribly sure what I'm insecure about. And what are they going to think of me? That's why self-image can be such a minefield - it seems to us that what we FEAR may be true about ourselves, others are CERTAIN is true. That of course only makes us all the more convinced they're right (even though we don't actually know they think that at all). It's a vicious circle.

The good news is that the reverse is true too. Feeling good about yourself makes you feel others see you in a positive light too. So taking control of your self-image is something that can make a really big difference.

Here's an inquiry to start the week with then - what would you love other people to think of you?

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